Four ways to teach your children commitment
I remember once having a conversation with another mother, who was understandably exasperated at her children’s inability to get themselves ready for the school day. As we chatted, a few others joined in and agreed that even the simplest of tasks seemed impossible. There was a collection of nodding heads when one of the mothers finally admitted that she did absolutely everything for hers in the morning - right down to putting the toothpaste on their toothbrushes - so she and her husband could manage to get to work on time.
I get it. Zero judgement here! When mornings are rushed and chaotic, we mothers may find ourselves doing just about anything in order to get out the door in one piece, without our nerves shredded to pieces. We may get them out the door on time but I’ve often wondered if we’re simply escalating the problem?
Going beyond the task list
There have been many times in my years as a mother where I’ve found myself exclaiming “am I the only one who knows how to do anything around here?!” Are we doing so much for our children that they have no idea of the work and effort that goes into achieving even the most basic of tasks? Perhaps it’s not just that we need to teach them how to actually do certain tasks and chores but we need to teach them how to stick at it; we need them to learn the value of commitment.
Why does commitment matter anyway?
Commitment matters because we need to show our children how to follow through. They can’t agree to something and then decide to abandon it halfway through! Whether it’s packing their own bag for school, practising an instrument or sticking to a sports schedule right through to the bigger things coming down the line; further education, career choices or potential relationships.
We have to show them that autonomy and responsibility matters. If we agree to something, knowing everything that’s involved in advance, then we have the responsibility to see it through - no matter what the challenges are. We also have to accept the consequences if we back out!
Unfortunately it isn’t an overnight fix. Having gained some wisdom from more seasoned mothers over the years however, here are four ways we can try to give our children a lesson in commitment.
Give them small responsibilities
This will vary depending on the age of our children, but giving them a little task or chore that belongs solely to them, helps them to follow through. It can be really hard but if we know that our child is capable of doing something, we have to try not to do it for them or be tempted to “fix” it halfway through. If we do that we’re leading them down the false path of thinking that someone will always jump in and rescue them, so they don’t really need to give their all anyway!
Allow them to struggle a little
Facing difficulties can build resilience and commitment if our children see that they need to make an effort to get what they want. We want to make sure that the task isn’t too much beyond them but a little difficulty here and there teaches them that it’s ok to make mistakes. That’s how we learn! And it’s important to get back up after a fall. A little struggle is a great way of learning.
Congratulate them when they succeed
It is important to acknowledge when they do succeed as it’s a way of building their confidence in their own ability. When they start to have a little series of “wins” and realise that they can achieve what they set out to do, despite any setbacks and challenges, it’s a great motivation. I’ve often found that older siblings will then begin to encourage the younger ones, as they know what it’s like to persevere.
Be an example for them
Whether we like it or not, children learn what they see and they are watching us all the time! If they see us neglecting commitments and responsibilities then it will be more difficult to encourage them. As hard as it might be, we have to be the example of sacrifice for them. That might mean we need to have someone or something we can turn to for inspiration and motivation for ourselves.
What would you add to the list? If you have any tips and tricks that have worked for your family, feel free to share with the Hearts+Minds community and pop them in the comments below. We’d love to hear from you.