Can envy become something positive?
In this drama of life, we often cast the feeling of envy in the role of villain. “The ulcer in the soul, or the pain we experience at the good fortune of others” is how Aristotle the famous Greek philosopher saw it. Even poet Dante in his Purgatorio shows us how the envious are punished; not with fire or brimstone but with their eyes tightly shut with metal wires! A symbol perhaps on how envy can blind us to the truth about others and about ourselves…which brings me to my next point.
There is a good envy and a not so good envy. We’re pretty familiar with the kind of envy that might be described as harmful. The twinge of discomfort or resentment because someone has something I lack and that I want. Which brings subsequent feelings of distress, insecurity and even inferiority. William Shakespeare sums it up well in one of his sonnets about life when he writes, “...desiring this man’s art, and that man’s scope, With what I most enjoy contented least…’’ Shakespeare is showing us the situation of the person who is envious of another’s talents and freedom. The soul, blind to its own blessings, is dissatisfied and unhappy with the things he most enjoys in life. A clear illustration of the corrosive power of envy.
What is envy really telling us?
To go back to Dante’s representation of envy in The Divine Comedy; Dante wants to show us that the problem with envy comes through our sight. Envy can spawn a type of vision that, many times, is twisted or distorted. This lack of clarity in our vision can belie both the truth about others and our own potential. We begin to tell ourselves stories that are fantasies and myths, to lie to ourselves and others. But what would happen if we were to listen to envy instead of silencing it? What if envy could be turned into a compass that could guide and inspire us?
Putting envy to use
Across the spectrum in Art, Sport, Science or Business there is evidence of people who managed to turn envy into a transformative seed for good; a motivator for self-improvement. Take the case of Steve Jobs. Challenged by the power of Bill Gates' genius, Jobs was pushed to reinvent Apple in the 1990s. Or Marie Curie, the woman who became the scientific Joan of Arc. Streets in Paris are named after her, stamps and coins bear her image and yet she found herself marginalised in a world dominated by males. It was through determination and grit that she achieved two Nobel Prizes.
Serena Williams, the star tennis player, envied the success of her sister Venus but used that envy as a potent force to become better. Singer Beyoncé described how her envy and sense of competitive spirit acted as creative fuel that inspired her to raise her performance standards. And in her very honest memoir Becoming, Michelle Obama admitted feeling envy at those people who seemed more confident and more powerful. But she used these feelings to challenge herself by asking other questions of herself like “what am I capable of? What do I want?”
How can we use envy to become better?
When we experience those bouts of envy maybe we can examine the other emotions that lie in that cocktail. Remember, focusing envy in a positive direction can turn it into a major driving force that will help improve our lives. So when that pang of envy touches us, let’s redirect our look and ask ourselves some questions:
What am I envious of?
What do I really want here?
If I get what I am envious of, will it help me be a better person?
What small things can I do to achieve this?
Carl Jung the psychologist, once stated that “everything that irritates us about others can lead to a deeper understanding of ourselves.” Let’s use the experience of envy to energise ourselves - to move forward from a state of negativity where we want to covet what others have - to a situation and mindset where we can build a different set of values and construct a happier approach to life’s challenges.
Rather than allowing envy to poison our relationships or sap our joy, let’s try to convert that spark of envy into doing something positive for ourselves; working better by learning a new skill, enrolling in a part-time course, starting that business we’ve always dreamt of, taking up a new hobby. There’s a whole host of things we can turn our minds to!
Comparison or envy shouldn’t steal joy
This may involve having to be honest with ourselves and admit that in some things, others are superior to us. However, we can still strive to emulate their good qualities. We can still ask ourselves, “what can I learn from this person?” We can challenge the relentless culture of comparison on social media and use it to galvanise change for the better. This may mean we have to reframe emotions at times and focus instead on our specific personal strengths, talents and achievements.
Come and find that gold that is lying on the other side of the path of envy. Let envy call us forward into a better self. A self that is more courageous, more fulfilled and ultimately happier. So, the next time envy rises within you, don’t ignore it or try to push it away. Learn from it and use it to ignite something new, bold and generous from within.
