Why you should show up even when you don’t feel like it

Photo by Ben Vaughn on Unsplash

Recently I watched a documentary about Ukraine and about President Zelensky. He was walking the streets of Kyiv with the television crew, while several security men surrounded him. He told the reporter that it would be very easy to flee the country and think of his own safety first. 

However, he was staying there to fight- for as long as it took- to regain control over his country. Zelensky was showing up. He was (and still is) showing up day after day in spite of repeated threats on his life. During the documentary, he walked into a tent and took something to drink and even ate some chocolate offered to him by one of the crew. Quite relaxed given the circumstances! Unafraid and determined to fight. But even more determined that he would win. Winners don’t quit. This demonstrates genuine leadership and commitment. 

It’s also what every mother and father knows and experiences. Show up for the kids. Show up for one another. Show up for your friends. Show up because it’s worthwhile - even though you may not see the results of your ‘showing up’ right now. Sooner or later the outcome of all this will reveal itself in a life that is positive, inspiring and that will undoubtedly bear fruit in the lives of the people around you.

Why ‘showing up’ matters

When we are in a vulnerable position we are able to understand better the powerful impact of someone showing up for us. As an undergraduate at University, I was working in a part-time job one summer. One morning I was told by my boss that I no longer had a job. I was left stunned and very upset as it was so sudden and unexpected. I remember ringing my day and crying on the phone. He reassured me that things would work out and not to worry. He met me at the train station and gave me a big smile. He showed up for me and that was all that mattered.  

There will be many times in our lives when we won’t feel like showing up. Maybe due to tiredness, or a bad mood or simply thinking “what’s the point?” There will always be any number of reasons to run away from the business of showing up when we should be delivering. Whether it means giving a class, or working on a tedious document on our computer, or simply putting a meal on the table for our family. 

Showing up for other people when they need you most

In 1915, when Ernest Shackleton and his team of twenty-seven men had been stranded in the Antarctic for almost sixteen months, their ship The Endurance, their only link with civilization, began to crack and groan as huge chunks of ice invaded it. The men stood on thin ice floats watching in horror while it sank before their eyes. Everything was gone: ship, stores, photos, personal belongings. Shackleton watched his dream of conquering the South Pole collapse. Then he turned to his men and very simply said “now we go home.” He wasn’t wasting time or energy lamenting what could not be mended or changed. He had to show up for those men and move on.

For the next seven or eight months as they struggled to reach land, Shackleton fought to save the lives of his men by showing up again and again. Whether it was to stay awake for nights on end to keep vigil, or climb mountains that were inaccessible or sail across threatening oceans, or simply make a hot drink to boost morale, he did it. And because of his efforts, all twenty-eight men returned home alive.

Shackleton may not have planted the Union Jack at the tip of the world, but he did something much more heroic. He showed up through vicious storms and darkness. There were many times when he felt tempted to curl up in the snow and sleep forever. But he never succumbed to that temptation. Instead, he thought of his crew- every single one of them- and worked selflessly against merciless obstacles to save their lives.  

You matter - show up for yourself

We can’t show up for others and give them the love and attention they need if we haven’t shown up for ourselves first. As the saying goes, we need to put on our own oxygen mask before we try to assist others.

The business of showing up for ourselves can be tricky and challenging as we tend to go to extremes here – either beating ourselves up too much for all the things we don’t do or by being over indulgent and thinking of ourselves a little too much. One small indicator of how we are showing up for ourselves may be to try and ensure that we get the right amount of sleep and rest and that we eat properly - no matter how busy life is!

Showing up for ourselves means taking care of many little things in our day and it will look differently for each of us. It could mean putting on some make-up, or making a bigger effort with our personal appearance, or settling down with a hot coffee and a book, or fitting in a run or a workout. This will help us feel better, and is a good way to show up for others also. By taking care of ourselves, we have more energy to take care of others.

The hidden heroism of everyday

Showing up, again and again, is heroic. And there are many hidden heroes. Seamus Heaney, who won the Nobel Prize in Literature for his ability to write poems that have a lyrical beauty and an ethical depth, wrote one particular poem about his Aunt Mary who lived with the family for many years before she died. It is fittingly called Sunlight, as her presence everywhere in the home was like the warm sun shining on their small farmhouse in Mossbawn. 

When Aunt Mary showed up in her kitchen there was heat everywhere: heat from the griddle where she cooked the bread, heat from the sun outside the kitchen window, heat from her self-giving. But all this heat really came from her love of other people which enabled her to show up every day at the kitchen stove. Heaney’s own words are eloquent:

“And here is love

like a tinsmith’s scoop

sunk past its beam

In the meal-bin.”

Showing up is always worth it even though it may cost us an effort and some pain. We should never underestimate the value and significance of all our showing up for others.