What is love? C.S Lewis on affection

Photo by Vidal Balielo Jr.

Following on in our series on Lewis and the four loves, this time the focus turns to the storge form of love which is often the affectionate love we experience within the family. 

Lewis terms this form of love as humble, describing it as “affection’’ that “almost slinks or seeps through our lives.” He writes “it lives with humble, un-dress, private things; soft slippers, old clothes, old jokes, the thump of a sleepy dog’s tail on the kitchen floor, the sound of a sewing-machine.”

We associate images like these with a sense of homeliness; where we are loved as we really, truly are at our most authentic selves - without the façade we may employ when we present ourselves to the outside world.

Love that can transform

This humble form of love is not the one we see on billboards or depicted in Hollywood movies but it can quietly transform lives. One such example is seen in that of the relationship between Christy Brown and his family. Brown was noted in infancy to have a significant physical disability in the form of severe cerebral palsy and his life was dramatised in the famous film My Left Foot. 

Born into a large family in 1932, it was discovered he would have a profound physical disability; his parents were urged to commit him to an institution for the rest of his life. Instead they declined to follow the advice of the ‘experts’ at the time, raising him with the family in inner city Dublin. This was a huge countercultural decision; during this period in Irish history, many people with disabilities were institutionalised. But this decision by Brown’s parents proved to be a pivotal one, affecting the trajectory of his life greatly. It was in this safe space of familial love that he was encouraged to develop his own talents of painting and writing in spite of what society may have thought. This nurturing of talent, which began in the family home, meant Brown went on to become an award winning writer and artist, eventually earning enough to design and purchase a home where he could live with his sister’s family. Christy Brown’s story demonstrates how this love - storge - can transform lives and challenge societal norms. A significant contribution to his success in life came from the self-assurance and affectionate love that was demonstrated to him within his family. Through the rough and tumble of family life he came to realise his abilities, his value and his worth in society. 

Love as service - humble and hidden

GK Chesterton writes -

‘‘The business done in the home is nothing less than the shaping of the bodies and souls of humanity. The family is the factory that manufactures mankind.’’

Through the story of Christy Brown’s life this truth is seen clearly.  Affectionate love within the family can encourage people to achieve things previously thought to be impossible. In my own life I am repeatedly awed and amazed by the hidden heroes of family life. Whether it’s meeting a parent who is struggling to make ends meet, a parent of a child with additional needs or a parent whose child has fallen ill, I never cease to be amazed by the sheer strength and resilience these parents demonstrate in order to care for their family. One can’t help but be inspired by the heroic lengths parents go to for their children, which are no doubt driven by a deep and abiding love. Parents who fight for their child’s right to gain access to proper educational resources, parents who stay by their ill child’s side tirelessly, or the parent whose child has a disability and who they quietly look after day by day, a task which often comes with enormous hidden sacrifices.

Giving ourselves generously

C.S. Lewis writes -

“we need others physically, emotionally, intellectually; we need them if we are to know anything, even ourselves.”  

This is a love that transforms into deeds which truly serve the good of the other. In my own life I have seen how this love comes full circle. From the sacrifices my parents made for me growing up, to now observing the sacrifices my mother makes in caring for her own mother. It’s an arduous task yet she carries it out faithfully each day. It’s far from glamorous and no reward is apparent. It won’t make the headlines, yet this quiet and dedicated love leads my mother to tend to my grandmother day after day. It happens in countless other families across the country too.

Storge or affection possesses a unique transformative power for us - perhaps that is one of the most important things. It is in our care and affection for others within our family that we often learn to forget about ourselves and instead focus on our loved ones. Storge may not be a love we talk much of; we just accept it as part of the fabric of family life. But without it how much dimmer our lives and homes would be.